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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?